


To Him of adequate desire / No further ‘tis, than Here-

by IsEmilyReal



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Fallen Angel!Shane, M/M, Oneshot, kinda graphic at the start but it gets better, sleepy ghoulboys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 19:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16101905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsEmilyReal/pseuds/IsEmilyReal
Summary: Heaven is so far of the MindThat were the Mind dissolved—The Site—of it—by ArchitectCould not again be proved—'Tis vast—as our Capacity—As fair—as our idea—To Him of adequate desireNo further 'tis, than Here—by Emily DickinsonShane muses on a sleepy Saturday morning.





	To Him of adequate desire / No further ‘tis, than Here-

He could smell the metallic tang as he waded through was seemed like a sea of corpses. They were his brothers and sisters, mangled and bleeding helplessly, color slowly draining from their bodies as they lay dying. They lay where they fell, ripped apart in some kind of civil war, their allegiances indistinguishable in the gore.

He moved, trying to get out, trying to escape the carnage that swallowed this realm. He mumbled tearful apologies as he stepped on the dead, clambering toward the woods for all he was worth. Its trees could shield him from the violence and hide him from those who had chosen a side. Above him, siblings were locked in battle, clawing and biting and tearing flesh from limb. He dodged as much blood as he could, suppressing his stomach’s urge to empty its contents. He was so, so close, just a few yards from the tree line.

His ankle was yanked out from under him, and he fell. He tried not to think of the things he inhaled with the dirt as his body hit the ground. He rolled, struggling, fighting to reclaim his leg and get as far away from here as possible. His eyes caught on blue ones, wordlessly pleading for absolution from the pain. The light behind them faded as the grip on his ankle loosened.

He thrust himself up and away, sprinting for the trees. He weaved between them, deftly dodging branches and vines as he worked his way deeper into the woods. When he could no longer see the battlefield, he stopped, chest quickly rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath.

He felt the roar before he heard it, shaking the earth around him before it pierced his ears, filled with unbridled fury. He sank to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest as his hands clapped over his ears. They did nothing to muffle the sound. It was followed by screams of pain, beginning close and slowly fading. Finally, there was quiet.

“Child,” a voice like grinding rocks boomed through his skull. “Come out.”

There was no safety left for him. He shook like a leaf, unable to do anything but rock back and forth, afraid for his life. “Get him,” the voice commanded, and moments later, two bodies crashed through the canopy overhead. They grabbed him by the arms, hauling him to his feet and pulling him into the air, ignoring the branches that scraped his skin.

They rose high above the treetops and flew back to the battlefield. Before it stood their father, taking no shape, only existing as the energy of a thousand suns. “You did not fight,” the voice grated inside his skull. It brought tears of pain to his eyes as it pressed his head.

“I could not fight,” he managed weakly. 

“You took no wounds for your brethren,” it sounded again.

“I could not wound my brethren,” he whispered, almost ashamed. If strong arms weren’t holding him up, he would have fallen to the earth below.

“You took no wounds for me.”

“I could not wound your creations.”

“Father,” a pleasant voice rang out, light and musical. “He did not serve either side. He had no part in the conspiracy.”

Tears streamed down his cheeks, running rivers through the grime. “He did not do his duty,” the grinding voice declared. “He ignored his purpose. Official declaration or no, he chose his side when he failed to raise a sword. He is a coward and a traitor.” Small sobs escaped his lips as he was pulled higher, far above the grisly scene below. When he glanced down, he could see the green gardens and marble pavilions. He could see gold shine in the light of his father and red puddle into a large lake where the meadow used to be. He took one last look, memorizing its beauty.

“He will be the last to fall,” his father called, grinding into his soul. “Never again shall he rise.”

“I am sorry,” the pleasant voice comforted him, sincerely remorseful. He took in a last breath before the tight grips on his arms released. 

He fell.

The air rushed past him, roaring in his ears, doing nothing to cushion his fall. He passed just outside the gates, far enough away that he couldn’t grasp anything to stop himself. He plummeted through empty space, surrounded only by the cold darkness. After what seemed like forever, light blossomed around him.

He saw it far below him, green and blue and white and brown. The human realm, the place he had only ever dreamed of. It was beautiful. 

As he approached, his skin grew hot, blistering. Never before had he felt this much pain, coursing through his entire body and resonating in his bones. He screamed in agony, feeling the fire burn down his throat. He smelled burning hair and flesh as he curled in on himself, trying to fight the loss of his grace, but ultimately, he gave up.

* * *

A cool hand touched his chest. “Shane,” a sleepy voice whispered, the name a woman had given him centuries ago. “Shane,” the voice repeated, “wake up.”

He cracked an eye. Watery sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating a tangle of limbs and sheets. He glanced to the left to find a round face, dark eyes half-closed and full lips slightly parted. “I’m sorry,” Shane replied softly.

“It’s fine,” he mumbled. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just a dream.”

“Your dreams suck.”

Shane rolled to wrap an arm around the man. Burying his nose in black hair, he murmured, “Go back to sleep, Ryan.”

They breathed, slow and even. As Ryan drifted back to sleep, Shane let his mind wander. He missed his siblings, but he couldn’t imagine not getting to experience this. He wouldn’t trade this, this warmth and peace, for a shred of grace, for a spot back in heaven, for anything.

Ryan couldn’t see it, but his heart glowed, a pure, delicate gold that Shane had never seen before. He wondered if this was what they fought for all those years ago, if they saw this in every human. If it had been a tangible thing, the man could cast shadows with a smile. Hell, sometimes Shane was surprised he didn’t.

He pressed a kiss to the top of Ryan’s head. These moments felt like prayer, resonating through his chest, powerful and perfect. It was startlingly beautiful. He’d never felt this way before Ryan waltzed into his life. The man felt the way heaven used to, a home he didn’t have for so long, but finally, he got to step out of the storm.

Sometimes he wondered if his father was trying to make it up to him. The man was infamous for ignoring his mistakes. Maybe he had fucked Shane up when he was made, skipped some vital ingredient that couldn’t be replaced with nurture. Maybe Ryan was his way of apologizing. 

If it was, Shane accepted. He knew love now, true, unadulterated, no-strings-attached love. Somewhere in his soul, he recognized that he would do anything for Ryan, be it heal or fight or kill. He would protect him for the rest of his existence, and then some. When the time came, he’d walk Ryan right up to the gates of heaven and hand him over to his father with sincere thanks.

He’d have to tell Ryan the truth someday. He’d have to explain his nightmares and his cryptic past. He’d have to tell how he learned the sea shanties he sang when drunk and that all his old friends were either dead or really, really old. He’d have to explain that he knew so much about history because he’d lived it.

Ryan would probably call his father a dick and move on. 

Shane silenced his chuckle. And when that someday came, he’d sit down with his father and have a long chat. He’d ask for mortality, for a decaying body and an expiration date moments after Ryan’s, because he didn’t want to see a world without his light. He didn’t want to try to live without him. He didn’t know if he could.

He clutched the man tighter, holding onto him for dear life. Someday he’d ask Ryan to marry him. Someday they’d stand under the open sky, dressed to the nines and surrounded by friends and family. Maybe some of his siblings would attend. Someday Shane would pledge his undying devotion in no uncertain terms, and someday he’d kiss the love of his life as his husband in the eyes of the law, and maybe in the eyes of his father, too.

He felt his eyelids grow heavy as he began to drift. Ryan was all that was good in the universe. He was joyous and kind, untouched by sorrow or fear. He was strong, and brave, and loyal. He was light itself, warm and soft and brilliantly beautiful. 

Ryan was the physical embodiment of grace. He was holy, a gift from above, his own personal salvation. He was the breath of life that woke Shane’s long-dormant spirit. He was peace.

His heart beat slowly. “Ry?” he asked. It was little more than a whisper.

“Hmm?” Ryan snuggled into his chest.

“I love you.” 

“You do?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Gold light blossomed around them, radiating from the man in his arms. “I love you, too.” A small smile crossed Shane’s lips as he surrendered himself to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first ever BFU fic! Let me know what you thought, and I'll post more in the future when I get them finished!


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